Two Pieces of Paper

Today I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Health Studies and a Bachelor of Social Work from McMaster. I've been done since December, but today was the ceremony that officially closed the chapter of my undergraduate degrees.

When I was pregnant with Brooklyn, I was so excited to be able to bring my little girl to the ceremony. I often said to Derek that I would be the only one there with a two month old baby in tow.

After we lost her, I had absolutely no desire to attend my graduation ceremony. I had decided that I wasn't going because it just wouldn't be the same. I also thought that it was pointless. I had a new perspective on life, and to me the degrees were just a couple of pieces of paper. I didn't know what the point was. I am back at Starbucks working at a job that doesn't require 4.5 years of education or thousands of dollars spent. And in all honesty, I'm not sure what my future career path holds for me. Right now though, it does not include social work. And because of that, graduation and the pieces of paper that I worked hard for, didn't hold the weight that they once did.

With the encouragement of my husband and family, I ended up attending today. And I am so glad that I did. Don't get me wrong - it was an extremely difficult day. There was a baby cooing and crying all through the ceremony. I'm sure many people didn't notice, but for me, it made it really hard to sit through those 2.5 hours. The hardest part was that I forgot that there would be people there who were not connected to me on Facebook and did not know about Brooklyn. This meant I would have to answer questions like "Have you had the baby yet?!" and "Where is she?!" This is something I still have not mastered the art of. I am never sure whether to just say, "Yes" and leave it at that, or to say "Yes, but unfortunately we lost her."

But what made today worth going was the realization that I came to. The two degrees that I got really are simply two pieces of paper. I am not putting them into practice right now, and I am not sure if I ever will again.  But my 4.5 years at McMaster wasn't about the degrees. My years spent there were about learning to think critically, forming relationships with both peers and community social workers through my placements, learning how to practice social justice, and shaping and forming the way I view the world and everything in it. It was about the skills, theories, and perspectives I learned that are transferrable to my every day life. And it is one more memory I have of doing something with my baby girl. My last semester of school I was pregnant, and I can clearly remember her moving around inside of me while I was in class and at placement. I am thankful for these memories.

I am a changed person because of my experience in my program and to me, all the money and time spent is well worth this alone.

I am not sure what my future career path holds. Maybe I'll apply for my MSW or Law school. Maybe I will pursue my life long dream of becoming a midwife. Maybe I will stay at Starbucks and make that my passion. Or maybe one day I will be a stay-at-home mama.

But right now, I will be thankful for the experiences and relationships McMaster has given me, and for the person it has shaped me to be. I will take one day at a time, and try to be passionate in all that I do - always remembering my time at McMaster.