Forever Changed

In November of 2011, I started following the journey of a family whose baby was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. May 21st of last year, after a very long fight, baby Hope went home to be with Jesus. I have cried and laughed reading the posts of this mother. I have always been blown away at her strength and deep faith through heartbreaking circumstances. 

Recently, I have been going back to read some of her posts. These posts bring me comfort as I know I am not alone on this journey. While their story of loss is a little bit different than ours, I am comforted to know that they too know what it is like to mourn a lifetime of hopes and dreams they had for their precious baby girl. 


I read a post today where Hope's mom talked about a book she was reading called "A Grace Disguised" by Gerald L. Sittser. She quoted this from his book:

"First of all, it requires a choice on the part of those who want to provide community for suffering friends.  They must be willing to be changed by someone else's loss, though they might not have been directly affected by it.  Good comfort requires empathy, forces adjustments, and sometimes mandates huge sacrifices.  Comforters must be prepared to let the pain of another become their own and so let it transform them.  They will never be the same after that decision.  Their own world will be permanently altered by the presence of one who suffers.  It will bring an end to detachment, control, and convenience.  It will prevent them from ever thinking again that the world is a safe place full of nice people, positive experiences, and favourable circumstances."

The past 9 weeks have been completely life altering for us. But we are so thankful that we have never been alone in this journey. We have had people bring us meals, check in with us constantly, do our gardening for us, clean our house, just sit with us in silence, and people who have said how much the loss of Brooklyn has completely turned their world upside down. 

I have also had conversations with people who just don't understand how devastating this loss is for us. Some people don't even talk about Brooklyn, and pretend like it didn't even happen. And many people continue to have conversations with me where I leave and go "Really? That is your biggest concern in life right now?" Or "Really? You think that is something that matters in this world?" I often feel mean or selfish having these thoughts, but it is so frustrating how people's lives can go on like Brooklyn never really existed. I don't expect for everyone's life to stop and be altered as much as ours has, but I am continually surprised by the people who seem to be forgetting Brooklyn more and more as time goes on. 

I know that it is much easier for people to pretend that life can just continue as it has been, but this is not our reality. I also realize that not everyone needs to be completely changed by this tragedy. And while it is hurtful sometimes, maybe certain people have been affected more than others for a reason. I've also learned to be more gracious with people. I understand that not everyone knows what to say or how to best support us. The loss of Brooklyn is a difficult one, and can be awkward for other people at times. I know that. I get that. But this doesn't seem to take away the hurt.These are just the jumbled thoughts that often swirl through my head these days. 

That being said, there are many many people who have been deeply affected by Brooklyn's life and our loss. People who truly understand that I am not able to talk about certain things, or that I am not able to be a part of certain social situations. People who have completely changed their lives and shifted their priorities because they have made our pain "become their own and let it transform them". Their world has been "permanently altered" like ours has.

Life is different. It always will be. And we are forever thankful for the people who have supported us in any way along this journey. But especially for the ones who have let themselves and their lives be changed by our loss. I understand that this is not an easy thing to do and may hurt like hell for a really long time. I am thankful for the people who have not decided on convenience for themselves, but have made such a big sacrifice to walk along side us in both our joys and deep heartache. 

I find my strength in knowing that Brooklyn's life has altered the way many people live and view the world. I love receiving messages from people who are both close to me, and ones that I barely know who say how much our sweet girl has changed them.

I am so blessed to be the Mama of a baby who has been such a big part of God's redemption story. A seven pound, twelve ounce baby who has forced us and the people around us to be forever changed.