Why did you let me down? I trusted you. I trusted you to keep her safe. To keep her healthy, thriving, and growing. I did my part to make sure you were well nourished and taken care of. Why did you not follow through with your end?
How can I ever trust you again? How will I ever be able to get back to the place I was in this picture? Maybe it was innocence, or maybe I was just naive. I thought that that we were in the "safe zone". We had gotten through the first trimester together, and then the 20 week anatomy scan, and then the point of viability - where she could be born and likely survive with medical intervention. I am learning that for Derek and I, there is no safe zone - because you let us down.
How will I ever be able to trust you with carrying another child? You've let me down once, why wouldn't you do it again?
You know I already had trust issues. This has made it even worse. This is one of the only times in my life I was able to feel pure joy and anticipation. One of the only times I have let myself feel this much excitement because "my body won't let me down." You have reminded me why I don't let myself get excited for things; why I protect my heart by downplaying joy and not anticipating the best outcomes.
"I am young, healthy, and no one in my family has a history of losing babies," I thought. This didn't seem to matter.
You let me down. How can I trust you again?
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