Unanswered Prayers

Something I have been much more aware of since losing Brooklyn, is the language people use when it comes to "God's will".

Baby announcements are made and people often reply "Praise God!" or "What an answer to prayer!"

Many people have said to us that we need to "trust in God because he has a plan for us." "He has all of our days written out already."

While these things are often well intended, I have become more and more uncomfortable with the "Christianese" terms and phrases that often roll off our tongues without a second thought.

But what happens when God doesn't answer prayers? I prayed for Brooklyn often during my pregnancy. The day I went into labour I spent time in her nursery praying over her, asking God to help her arrive safely.

Why do we assume that God is this big puppeteer up in the sky who is making all of these good things happen in our life?And why do we think that when tragedy strikes in our lives, that the automatic explanation for this is "it's all in God's plan," and "we'll know the reason one day."

One of my favourite worship songs is "In Christ Alone." I have trouble singing it these says because of the line - "From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny." Does this mean then that God planned for Brooklyn to die? Was this God's purpose for her life? And does this then mean that it's in God's plan for people to be taken too soon from cancer or other tragedies?

How can this be the same God? The one who choose certain babies to arrive safely, certain people to live into their 90's, and the one who takes others too soon? If this is who we believe God is, it then means that He chooses to answer certain prayers and not others. Does God play favourites?

I believe with all of my heart that it was not in God's plan for Brooklyn to die. I believe that He mourned with us, and continues to mourn with us over her loss.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that God has used Brooklyn's life and death for His purpose and continues to use her death for His redemption of this broken world.

I also believe in the power of prayer, but I don't believe that God is a puppeteer who has every single detail of our lives planned from our "first cry to final breath." He knows exactly what is going to happen, but I don't believe in a God who plans for tragedy in our lives.  I believe that sin is ever-present in this world, and that because of free will, there are some things that are even out of the Creator's hands. This may be the "wrong" way to view God, but this is where I'm at right now.

I'm thankful for this awareness that has been so very present to me since Brooklyn's loss. I'm thankful for how it has forced me to stop and reflect about who I believe God is. And I am thankful that is has made me more intentional about the things I say to people in relation to God's will for their lives, tragedy, and loss.